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| Today i met with a new lady i'm befriending...she is lovely, really chatty & interested in what goes on in my life etc...but when i found out her history, my heart broke....
She had a brother 3yrs older than her...but when she was 18, he died in a car accident...that was what triggered her schizophrenia...
Ever since, she has been in & outta hospitals (due to several relapes) and things got so severe that at one point, she was considered a danger to herself & hence was heavily sedated with strong medication for a long period of time....
24 years on, she is alot better....as 'normal' as can be given the circumstances....
It breaks my heart becoz i dont know what i'd do if i lost MY brother now, let alone as young as 18 when you hardly know your emotions & what to do with them....also, I dont think patients who have suffered severe mental health problems from a young age, ever get to experience living a "normal life"...they wont know what it means to have friends, to have bf/gf, get married etc....most of them are lonely & live in mental health-related accomodation until they die... 
it makes me think...how important it is to appreciate what you have, rather than spend so much time complaining about the things we dont have....& also makes me wanna spend my time productively: making a difference in people's lives rather than waste it procrastinating & chasing things that arent important....
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| The older I get, the more I realise things never stay the same…recently I’ve been thinking alot about things & people…
Accepting that things & people change (viz. my blog from 29 Aug) is one of them ‘bad’ things that’s just easier not thought about...but denial & repression is not productive/beneficial either so best not 
I really love & praise God for the relationship I have with my family…I love this freedom I’m given to do what I like now that I’m “old enough to think for myself” …I love that I can just plan & book activities, sleepovers & even trips down to England and just tell mummy: “mum I’m off to X, at Y & I’ll be back in Z” …& shes totally cool with it! 
I even booked tickets to extend my recent stay an extra 2 days before telling her! Hehehe (i come back with random England-only treats for her so she cant complain really....)
Going away to Burmingham is great coz I get lotsa luvin there & lots when I come back home too! My mammy anticipates my return from by buying lotsa random treats & cooks all my fav foods :P I always ask her “if this is how you treat/’reward’ my return from a social trip, what’ll u do when I come home from work-work?”
Also, its really nice when my girlfriend(s) text me on the day I return & tell me I’ve been missed…maybe I should go away more often
Its nice just hanging out, I love the fact I can rant on about rubbish but also can talk about serious stuff…..the good thing about growing up, is we can have intellectual discussions & that each of us have our own “specialist areas” in which we can impart wisdom on…(of course I just listen, coz “that’s what psychologists do” )
On the flip side…there are relationships that haven’t “improved with age”… I had a close group of gfs in high school, but ever since we left, we seemed to have paired off & went our separate ways…those who left early stuck together/maintained their friendships…those who went to college or the same uni appear to still be pally.
Perhaps its to do with having different goals in life…or perhaps “with age” I’ve discovered what I ‘expect’/define as a friend and am less willing to accept imposters….
Well there’s a season for everything…
I’m beginning volunteer Befriending…finally! After weeks of training &/or waiting for NHS to get off their asses with paperwork etc etc…
Today I met with a lady…it was ‘only’ for 1hr to have a coffee & oh my gosh! I left with a tension headache & felt totally drained! I didn’t realise how difficult working/being with mental health patients would be…not so much becoz she offloaded anything major/disturbing or even that she talked too much, but becoz she WUDNT talk!  I felt ok on Friday so dunno why I felt so much pressure today…maybe it was the surroundings…I just wanted to run away!! 
I guess its one thing reading about particular issues & symptoms etc in a textbook, and another thing to be faced with it in real life…
On Wednesday I’m meeting a girl…maybe the significantly smaller age-difference will make it easier than today’s experience…
My work’s having 2 Christmas Nights Out…so silly! Both are in Italian restaurants too…dammit!  Hmm I have no idea what to wear & have no time to go shopping….aiya!
I’m currently listening to music but overheard mum & bro talk about the newspaper’s story bout the evil woman who sexually abused the boy with special needs…things like that really break my heart….I feel upset now…please God, heal that boy… :'(
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| Havent blogged in ages...but i really should coz writing things down is one way that helps me process my thoughts...which reminds me, its been 3wks already & ive still not started my (lifelong) project yet...oops!
The past few days has consisted of me feeling inexpressible emotions coz God is amazing! Hmm where should i start? Well....in the beginning....
2 Wednesday ago, i met up with Binda for lunch.....& was kinda random but what was supposed to be a quick bite turned into 2hr lunch in Paperinos with her 'boss' & his mate....then we parted from the gentlemen & did our own thing.....that night i went up2 Jaz's & her 'proper' boss (not the guy from lunch ) phoned to tell her he's just sacked the other receptionist....so Jaz spontaneously told him shes got a mate who'd be good for the job! I was kinda shocked & caught off guard but had quick chat with him & arranged to go in on Fri....so for a week thereafter, i'd worked alongside Jaz.....the boss insisted i shadow her for one whole week b4 being left on my own - they called it "training" but really, i'd learnt all i needed to kno within the 2nd day so reality was, we were paid to keep each other company & faff around! She brings out the playful side in me....this week on, i have to work alone so i'm sensible....its so mundane!
The other receptionist dusnt like me coz (unlike her) i get on with the docs without havin to try...oh well! 
Anyway was talkin to the chiro guy (Dr...Frank <yes Prune, i am aware of confidentiality issues hence the names been changed...haha! > & he reckons its worth gettin mama in for him to look at coz chiropractic methods etc can treat her CTS without the need of surgery! Everything he said with regards to why/how it works, made perfect sense! Could this be the miracle mummy's been waiting for?? My feelings are indescribable!  He's even offered to treat mummy for free!! (technically that means i gotta treat him to meals etc to say thanks ryt? - dammit )
But really, its quite a risk coz cud get him in2 trouble if the boss found out...
Hes such a (genuinely) decent guy!! Quite a rare thing....(in my experience )
So mamy went in for consultation this morning....she and Dr Frank got on quite well  Finding Reports next week
So the chiro job, treatment & decent Dr Frank is one thing to be thankful for.....the other is the way God is providing support & encouragment thru other people for the new adventure of my life Its terrifying but exciting at the same time!
You can't walk on waves if you don't get out the boat!
Its kinda weird how some people can be so cold towards it, even though its a good thing!  Anyway the main thing is, i cant control what other people say/think/do, but what i CAN control, is the way i react/respond to it & God is giving me the power not to be offended
Bad thing about workin is tryna find time to fit evrythin in...Got some
old ppl i'm ment2catch up with but still havent made time to do
that.....cant randomly go c my princess & i'm accumulated a list of places i wanna go eat, which
none of which have been ticked off!!
Oh no what'll i be like when i start workin FULL TIME??
Missing my princess lots!! Need to figure when i can go brush the 4 precious teef! heheheh
Ive got quite a packed week next week but i'm really lookin forward to it
 my princess & nice people
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| I recently heard it being said
"you shouldn't judge someone based on who they were, but who they have become"
Although it is meant in the context of seeing the better side in people, i've realised its also important not to delude yourself with regards to bad change that occurs in people too....
Its easy to get caught up reminiscing about how nice people have been once upon a time...but the reality is, they are no longer that person....
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so i suspect i already kno what mine are but it'll be an interesting read i think....hope it wont be an anti-climax tho, like Slumdog Millionaire & loadsa other things ppl have bigged up 